


yet another everyone is gay on twitter fic

by whatsanaccounttoagod



Category: Daredevil (TV), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: "justice" my ass, Bisexual Peter Parker, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fourth Wall? Who's She, Homestuck References, Homophobia, Identity Reveal, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Tony Stark, Pedophilia, Polyamory, Suicide, The Author Regrets Everything, Transphobia, Twitter, Vaccinate Your Kids, Why are they all idiots, Wisconsin - Freeform, fuck terfs, give my boys that sweet sweet love, hey but things get better right, idiots in everything they do, listen if i have to singlehandedly populate my ot4s tag i will, now with art!!, scott the dealer FOR the people!, the alliteration station should be the idiot squad, theyre my children now, those are very very bad btw do not do those things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2019-10-13 08:19:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 13,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17484533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsanaccounttoagod/pseuds/whatsanaccounttoagod
Summary: as the title says





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [twitter is onto something](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625167) by [pomegranateboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pomegranateboy/pseuds/pomegranateboy). 



> im honestly just dumping drafts at this point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah just found this chillin in my drafts so why tf not

peter @cantparker

to this day i find it sad that there are people who think they have to watch what they eat

 

peter @cantparker

like? not even in a "haha im so lucky i can eat anything and stay thin" way just…

 

peter @cantparker

your body is yours and nobody elses. if youre happy who cares what you look like

 

peter @cantparker

and honestly anyone who cant accept you the way you are doesnt deserve you

 

peter @cantparker

i just realized how stereotypical that sounded but anyway let me share a few things your chub is amazing for

 

peter @cantparker

-soft snuggling

-extra tickle spots

-losing shirts that turn up on your twink friend a week later

 

A.E.S. @starks - replying to @cantparker

Thats where those came from?

 

nedward @nleeds - replying to @starks @cantparker

THATS WHERE MY SHIRTS WENT???

 

* * *

 

Tony @Stark

hnng,,, me big gay,,,

 

Tony @Stark

FUCK WRONG ACCOUNT

 

steven @caprogers - replying to @Stark

Wait, you have two?

 

war machine rox @rhodey - replying to @caprogers @Stark

don't you?

 

* * *

 

The Onion @onion

The Rumor Come Out: Does Tony Stark Is Gay?

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to @onion

if only you knew…

 

A.E.S. @starks - replying to @whotookspidey @onion

I didnt ask to be outed like this

 

JUST A FAN PAGE @spidey - replying to @starks @whotookspidey @omion

holy shit??

 

* * *

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

So news of the day that is probably news to almost no one:

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

Tony Fucking Stark is gay, has an alt account, and got accidentally outed by misposting and Spider-Man responding to an Onion article.

 

* * *

 

 

Tony @Stark

Just for the record, I'm in a very happy relationship with my fiance.

 

Pepper Potts @ppotts - replying to @Stark

Who does not mind your appreciation of boys, but would rather you did not cause a PR nightmare with your impulsive Twittering.

 

A.E.S. @starks - replying to @ppotts @Stark

Pepper honey it was an accident i swear

 

war machine rox @rhodey - replying to @starks @ppotts @Stark

sure tones

 

A.E.S. @starks - replying to @rhodey @ppotts @Stark

Rhodey-bear please dont expose me like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gay


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha rum

buckyeet @jbarnes

stark doesnt like me. smart move

 

A.E.S. @starks - replying to @jbarnes

Is

Is that a pun

 

steven @caprogers - replying to @starks @jbarnes

I don't get it.

 

buckyeet @jbarnes - replying to @caprogers @starks

you oblivious twink its not funny if i have to explain it

 

* * *

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

I feel like a stalker but I was scrolling through The Starkman's Twitter following and he follows these random kids

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

I get Shuri, and I even sort of get Peter if he's the guy I'm thinking of.

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

BUT WHO THE F-

[image of twitter user @harleykeenz.]

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

And it's not like JUST Tony Stark follows him. ALL of the Avengers follow him.

[images of @harleykeenz follower list. throughout the screenshots, various avengers' accounts appear.]

 

harley @harleykeenz - replying to @awatch

oh yeah, i forgot i saved tony's life once. that might explain it.

 

Avengers Watch @awatch - replying to @harleykeenz

THAT'S AWESOME DUDE HOLY SHIT

 

* * *

 

[dm: @harleykeenz and @cantparker]

cantparker: WAIT YOURE HARLEY

cantparker: HOLY SHIT HI

harleykeenz: hi…?

cantparker: mr stark talks about you a lot

harleykeenz: oh, you know tony.

cantparker: did you really help him fight off terrorists??

harleykeenz: i guess.

harleykeenz: did you really crash one of his planes?

cantparker: oh you know?

harleykeenz: yeah. i have eyes.

harleykeenz: i'm not gonna tell anyone, don't worry. lmao.

cantparker: thank youuuuu

 

* * *

 

peter @cantparker

sometimes you just like a guy and a gal at the same time and when youre trying to decide whether youd like to ruin your friendship-

 

peter @cantparker

or run the possibility of getting murdered in your sleep you find out theyre dating

 

peter @cantparker

update: they saw this

 

peter @cantparker

UPDATE: WE ARE ALL DATING?!?! i think im dreaming hold on

 

michelle @doyouhaveabrain - replying to @cantparker

Update: You're awake, and we are.

 

nedward @nleeds - replying to @doyouhaveabrain @cantparker

it only took like three years for him to figure out i cant hate someone who looks as much like a puppy as he

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @nleeds @doyouhaveabrain

I DONT LOOK LIKE A PUPPY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if i disapoiuntd ths only rum is in me
> 
> pun is that tony stark is considered one of the smartest people in the world haha its not fhnny


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the anti-vaxxers are crossing my facebook feed yet again and i saw a funny drawing of steve on the news yelling at everyone to vaccinate their kids so have this

steven @caprogers

Vaccinate your God damn kids.

 

steven @caprogers

Do you know how nice it is to live in a world without polio? Smallpox? Measles?

 

steven @caprogers

Influenza is a work in progress, but at least it's in progress!

 

steven @caprogers

Opting out of immunizing your kids not only opens up your child to illness, but the kids who can't get vaccinated!

 

steven @caprogers

I can't get vaccinated! My boyfriend can't get vaccinated! My friend's son can't get vaccinated!

 

A E S @starks - replying to @caprogers

Hes not my son?? Other than that agreed 100%

 

A E S @starks @caprogers

Peter got sick for the first time in years because half his class didnt have the MMR vaccine

 

steven @caprogers - replying to @starks @caprogers

^^ We depend on everyone else so we don't get sick with something easily preventable!

 

the gay crowd @theatrekid2019 - replying to @caprogers @starks

agreed but now im curious why cant you get vaccinated??

 

steven @caprogers - replying to @theatrekid2019 @starks

The super soldier serum increased my metabolism, which means most readily available medications or medical care doesn't/barely works.

 

steven @caprogers - replying to @theatrekid2019

We're working on one that'll work on enhanced individuals. A vaccine won't particularly hurt me, but-

 

steven @caprogers - replying to @theatrekid2019

-getting it now would strengthen the virus against my immune system, making future vaccines less effective.

 

steven @caprogers

While not all enhanced people have medicine resistance, several do. We need to protect them, too.

 

steven @caprogers

Is, "Would you mind not risking other people's lives with your blatant ignorance?" too much to ask, anti-vaxxers?

 

A E S @starks - replying to @caprogers

And before someone pulls out the vaccines cause autism uwu defense:

[Attached: screenshot of a text document reading

"1. What do you have against people with autism

2\. That would make you rather have a dead child than an autistic child

3\. You shouldnt be a fucking parent

4\. The people who "proved" vaccines cause autism were exposed to have skewed the data so shut the fuck up"]

 

A E S @starks

Oh you want sources? Lets start with the cdc  [ https://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/concerns/autism.html ](https://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/concerns/autism.html)

 

A E S @starks

The only study on it was rescinded and proven wrong as well as invalidated  [ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3136032/ ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3136032/)

 

A E S @starks

And just for shits and giggles lets debunk the rest of your arguments  [ https://www.publichealth.org/public-awareness/understanding-vaccines/vaccine-myths-debunked/ ](https://www.publichealth.org/public-awareness/understanding-vaccines/vaccine-myths-debunked/)

 

steven @caprogers

SO, VACCINATE YOUR DAMN KIDS.

 

buckyeet @jbarnes - replying to @caprogers

hold on a sec, we're dating?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you cant be vaccinated or it would put you at significant risks of death or bad things Do Not Vaccinate but if youre the 98% of the population who can be vaccinated please do herd immunity is real


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck yeah trans rights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws for a lil abuse and some transphobia and rape mentions

A E S @starks

If one more person tries to call me a dad for that one tweet ill scream

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @starks

yeah like yall really dont know when to back off huh

 

A E S @starks - replying to @cantparker

I wish people would leave it alone without me having to justify it but might as well dump another bit of trauma to the public right lol

 

A E S @starks

So yall think my dad was some great person, a little off his rocker but a genius and innovator right

 

A E S @starks

You dont know the half of it yet

 

A E S @starks

Looking back my father was an asshole and i hate that anyone could ever do those things to their children

 

A E S @starks

i still camt even thinl abiht some of it wihtou breaking down

 

A E S @starks

hed hit ne a litrle bit but lije all the time gimme a sec

 

A E S @starks

sorry bout that anyway hed like hit me and scream at me that i was never good enougb and i should just die

 

A E S @starks

had way too many "accidents" back then haha

 

A E S @starks

so uj if anyone needs help getting out of one of those hmu i guess

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @starks

it sucks that that happens to people do you want some cuddles

 

A E S @starks

Fuck yeah cuddles

* * *

 

 

buckyeet @jbarnes

not to be political on main but can we accept that there are horrible people on both sides of the political spectrum

 

buckyeet @jbarnes

not to sound conservative on main but not everyone on the political right is a 100% piece of shit

 

buckyeet @jbarnes

at this point politics have become so skewed that anyone who isnt literally on political extremes is independent and moderate

 

buckyeet @jbarnes

by all means please continue punching nazis i know a guy who will defend you in court

 

buckyeet @jbarnes

but dont use that as an excuse to punch anyone in the moderate/right area of the political spectrum

 

buckyeet @jbarnes

political groups to punch:

-nazis

-terfs/twerfs/swerfs/radfems

-hate groups

-any group whose primary goal is to exclude/harass/forcibly change people

 

buckyeet @jbarnes

@ me if you ever need a lawyer for punching a legitimately horrible person i know a guy

 

buckyeet @jbarnes

political groups not to punch:

-people who have a differing opinion that, in the end, does not hurt anyone, even if it is biased against people

 

katie @radicalfemmes - replying to @jbarnes

so you think men should be able to rape lesbians?? i dont want to see a dick

 

buckyeet @jbarnes - replying to @radicalfemmes

you are completely missing the point of this but give me a sec to Go Off

 

buckyeet @jbarnes - replying to @radicalfemmes

-trans women are women

-trans lesbians are lesbians

-rape is never okay under any circumstances (1/?)

 

buckyeet @jbarnes - replying to @radicalfemmes

-but just because someone is trans doesnt make it automatically rape

-also you dont have to see a dick? ive literally never met a trans woman jumping at the chance to show ppl her dick anyway

 

Pepper Potts @ppotts - replying to @jbarnes @radicalfemmes

Just because I was given the wrong anatomy at birth doesn't mean I wanted to show it off.

 

A E S @starks - replying to @ppotts @jbarnes @radicalfemmes

Not to go off or anything but "radical feminism" at its current form is simply fascism calling for the eradication of amab people

 

A E S @starks - replying to @ppotts @jbarnes @radicalfemmes

Okay sure theyre needed for yknow humanity to survive but if it was up to yall youd just farm them for sperm

 

A E S @starks - replying to @ppotts @jbarnes @radicalfemmes

The only radical feminism is feminism that stands for all women

 

* * *

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

(clapping) STARKSTER WENT OFF AFTER PEPPER OUTED HERSELF TO FIGHT A TERF, MORE AT 10

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

This means so much to me, honestly. Behind this blog, I'm a trans woman myself, and it's nice knowing there are people out there like me and people out there supporting us.

 

A E S @starks - replying to @awatch

No problem really. Everyone should be able to live how theyre most comfortable :)

 

Avengers Watch @awatch - replying to @starks

THANKBYOU I LOVE YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i kinda blew off the whole "mt dad kinda hits me" thing but considering "hell smack me around a lil and then itll be over" is an actual thing i have said... maybe tony has the same inability to avtuallt connect with his slightly traumatic events *finger guns*
> 
> with the whole political alignment rant - in general im ok with people who are on any side of the political spectrum if they just be nice. extremist groups are on both sides, and decent human beings are on both sides. someone can hold an opinion that, at the end of the day, hurts no one, even if it differs from yours. thanks for coming to my tedtalk


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i wish i was matt murdock because the internet is fucked

Matthew @murdock

Someone told me I've been memed.

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @murdock

yes

[attached: image of matthew murdock and daredevil photoshopped together. matt's cane and daredevil's billy club are circled. "the sticks match" is typed in white "meme format" text.]

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @cantparker

I can't see it.

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @murdock

its fine for me check your internet??

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @cantparker

I'm blind, kid.

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @murdock

oh shit i forgot

 

* * *

peter @cantparker

just remembered mr starks favorite lawyer is blind posting forbidden images

[attached: [image of matt murdock in front of neon red scribbles with the disney channel logo. the entire image is captioned "i'm matt murdock and you're watching the disney channel."](https://goo.gl/images/8wp38V)]

 

Tony @Stark - retweeted from @cantparker

foggy @nelson - retweeted from @Stark

Matthew @murdock - retweeted from @nelson

 

foggy @nelson - replying to @murdock @cantparker

matt its not what you think

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @nelson @cantparker

I won't hesitate, bitch.

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @murdock @nelson

ANOTHER ONE

 

* * *

 

Matthew @murdock

Vine is dead, and so is my ability to understand the internet.

 

foggy @nelson - replying to @murdock

thats probably a good thing


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry
> 
> this is mostly dms because someone had to have wade call them out on their names in another fic and then i realized jessica jones also fit but shed also call peter out on his shit in like 2 seconds
> 
> also had to call myself out on my shit

whatsanaccounttoa @god

me: i should actually write something productive like, yknow, anything else

also me: teehee twitter crack fic

 

:sword emoji: @deadpool - replying to @god

also you: i should add deadpool

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to @deadpool @god

why have i just gotten the sense something has been broken

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god - replying to @whotookspidey @deadpool

the fourth wall

 

* * *

 

[group DM: the alliteration station]

[@cantparker, @deadpool, @jessicaNOnes, @murdock]

cantparker: miss jones are you related to michelle jones

jessicaNOnes: how the fuck should i know

murdock: Did we all need to be added for this?

cantparker: but we all have initials that are the same letter!!

deadpool: if only he knew what else we had in common

deadpool: any of you wanna help me kick a pedos ass

murdock: I'm blind.

cantparker: im doing homework

deadpool: never stopped either of you before

jessicaNOnes: where you from kid

cantparker: queens

 

* * *

[dm: @cantparker and @jessicaNOnes]

jessicaNOnes: this is you right

jessicaNOnes: [attached: image of peter jumping over a car]

cantparker: yeah so??

jessicaNOnes: how does a nerd like you do that

cantparker: track

jessicaNOnes: try again

cantparker: ???

jessicaNOnes: according to your school record, you're a sickly little kid. asthma, allergic to everything, weak immune system. dropped out of robotics club and band your freshman year, stuck with decatholon.

jessicaNOnes: and here you are. jumping over a car.

jessicaNOnes: there's also this phenomena

jessicaNOnes: [attached: video of peter running four blocks at a near inhuman speed. by the time the recorder catches up, spider-man is seen swinging away, the boy's backpack webbed under the garbage bin in the alley.]

cantparker: oh fuck

jessicaNOnes: honestly wouldn't've thought you were of interest until the lawyer had me run a background check on stark and you came up

jessicaNOnes: also may have tried to find your other life for a friend of murdock's. not cause he asked, hes just a reckless idiot.

cantparker: mmmmmm can we not expose me even more thanks

jessicaNOnes: im not gonna out you to the tabloids dw

jessicaNOnes: i am gonna have some fun though

 

* * *

 

[group dm: the alliteration station]

jessicaNOnes: tfw youre called out

jessicaNOnes: [attached: surprised pikachu image]

cantparker: [image of tony stark flipping off the camera]

 

* * *

 

 

[group dm: the alliteration station]

deadpool: yall came anyway smh why are we even pretending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plEASE YELL AT ME TO DO PRODUCTIVE SHIT


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck winter!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when im posting this wisconsin is actually super hot it was like 38° last time i was outside lol but before that me and my partner had a date in the middle of hick jesus town which meant church and bars in 7° weather lol oops

Tony @Stark

"My battery is low and it's getting dark…"

Rest in peace Oppy.

 

A E S @starks

NO NOT OPPY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to @starks

NOT OPPY

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to @starks

wrong account but same sentiment

 

* * *

spider-man @whotookspidey

IM IN THE MIDWEST FOR THE WEEK NOBODY TOLD ME THERE WAS THIS MUCH SNOW

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE GETTING PLACES

 

whatsanaccountoa @god - replying to @whotookspidey

bold of you to assume we have places to get to

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to @god

thats fair but also… i am afraid of you guys now

 

* * *

spider-man @whotookspidey

i just saw these two people outside in a hoodie and light jacket and its freezing are you guys okay

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

they asked for a selfie

[attached: image of spider-man making peace sign hands between a ginger boy with glasses and a black hoodie and a brunette teen with a denim jacket. both are smiling. spider-man looks cold.]

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

also how do you guys survive there is NO SERVICE here AND its cold

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god - replying to @whotookspidey

oh i know that place, go to the landmark they have free wifi and are quite possibly the only non-bar open in that town today

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to @god

THANK YOU

 

* * *

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

yall may be wondering why im in the midwest

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

so the flint water crisis is horrible but also there are many bad things happening all over

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

so since our plane couldnt land closer than the middle of wisconsin we landed here and decided to get the good kush going

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

weve been trying to like. set up food banks and homeless shelters where there Are None

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

which is actually kinda whack bc weve gone through like every town within 50 miles of the hotel and haha

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

only one of them has any sort of services for homeless people, five of them have food banks, and every single one has a bar

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

mr stark and i are going to change that but w h y

 

* * *

 

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

we gave up on our plane and are driving to flint

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

update: we cant do what we meant to because Fuck Winter but we can do SOMETHING so we are

 

* * *

 

flints water crisis @bzzfeedunsolved

spider-man?? and iron man??? just built us sustainable water systems???

 

flints water crisis @bzzfeedunsolved

so yes we still need to rely on bottled water but not ONLY have they given us basically infinite access to it

 

flints water crisis @bzzfeedunsolved

THEY JUST BUILT HYDROELECTRIC POWER SYSTEMS THAT FILTER THE WATER AS THEY RUN FOR LIKE HALF THE TOWN

 

Tony @Stark - replying to @bzzfeedunsolved

We're working on more filters now. Our latest prototype is holding up pretty well; perhaps you'll see it soon?

 

flints water crisis @bzzfeedunsolved - replying to @Stark

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway im angry abt the fact that the flint water crisis happened at all regardless of whether or not it is safe to drink now that should never have happened or gone on as long as it did


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is consistency

frank @fuckoffthanks

@nelson, what the FUCK does red mean by "go frank somewhere else"?

 

foggy @nelson - replying to @fuckoffthanks

oh, you haven't heard?

 

frank @fuckoffthanks - replying to @nelson

knock off the memes and give it to me straight

 

foggy @nelson - replying to @fuckoffthanks

so that one time the four of us were having a chat and matt yote?

 

foggy @nelson

matt is in a group chat and has basically decided this one kid is his surrogate nephew

 

foggy @nelson

so he yote and was all HELP IM BEING CORNERED and kids like wazzup and matt, being an idiot, says

 

foggy @nelson

and i shit you not

 

foggy @nelson

"foggy and karen are yelling at me while frank franks"

 

foggy @nelson

so now anything you do is referred to as franking

 

frank @fuckoffthanks - replying to @nelson

and he wonders why i do what i do

 

* * *

[group dm: the alliteration station]

@cantparker: miss jones i have a problem that you may be able to assist with

@jessicaNOnes: what is it this time

@cantparker: a knife

@jessicaNOnes: i thought you meant homework or teacher conspiracy theories. what the fuck makes you think i can help with a knife

@jessicaNOnes: this is the group chat, by the way

@cantparker: shit

@murdock: Peter.

@cantparker: you cant sue them mr murdock vigilantism is technically illegal and id get in trouble

@murdock: I was going to ask where you were and send you help, but that works too, I guess.

@jessicaNOnes: i don't trust wilson. dmed you the kid's location. dd best be on his way.

@cantparker: no i promise im fine i just need a bandaid

@cantparker: also im an idiot and removed the knife? so ha

@murdock: He's on his way. Call C if you can.

@jessicaNOnes: already done. aunt's on her way, too.

@cantparker: thanks i hope?

@deadpool: we all know you're gonna die when she gets there, peter

@cantparker: cant kill whats already dead

 

* * *

Avengers Watch @awatch

oh,, my god okay

[image of spider-man surrounded by jessica jones, daredevil, and two women not recognizable by the general public. spider-man has a large bandage over his side, and it's clear they've been using their clothes to wipe their hands from lack of a better solution. while the situation seems like it was bad, it has clearly been handled for the moment. all are posing, smiling, or giving a thumbs-up.]

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

i saw spider-man facing off and i was like "oh cool i should make a note of this" and then just. whoops. knife.

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

i ask if he's okay. he says, "yeah, i got this," and RIPS THE KNIFE OUT

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

and goes "whoops, i forgot" and just starts telling karen to message some people

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

@ y'all implying i just stood there while he spurted blood, do you really think i didn't try to help?

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

i rip off my flannel like superwoman and try to use that to stem the bleeding and accidentally press too hard

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

anyway, jessica, daredevil, and claire get there a few minutes later and patch him up for good

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

so life goals achieved, i can die happy now

 

* * *

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

im okay yall lol why would i not be

 

kitty @cat - replying to @whotookspidey

you got stabbed

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to @cat

it was just a little one

 

jessica @jessicaNOnes - replying to @whotookspidey

you could've bled out.

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to jessicaNOnes

bold of you to assume i have blood

 

Daredevil @devilofhk - replying to @whotookspidey

You certainly didn't then, considering it was all over me.

 

* * *

Matthew @murdock

Pros of being blind:

-Blind jokes

-Immune to light conditions

-Smacking annoying people on the ankles with my cane and brushing it off as an accident

 

Matthew @murdock

Cons of being blind:

-I have no idea what anyone looks like without touching them

-Store clerks think it's okay to give me incorrect change because I can't see it

 

Matthew @murdock

I know that's not $12.47. I'm blind, not stupid.

 

Tony @Stark - replying to @murdock

They'll be dealt with soon enough.

 

* * *

foggy @nelson

stark broke him

[image of matt murdock running his fingers over a check. matt appears to be crying and smiling a little bit.]

 

Matthew @murdock

IKBOW THIS IF ABT ME DOTP THAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when your boss is actually a decent human being and embosses your checks


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare your anuses for getting a shit ton of my favorite ot4 soon because that tag has in no way even close to enough love

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

Coworker 1: When your crush doesn't recognize your gesture of affection as romantic.

Coworker 2, holding the flowers 1 just gave him: Mood.

 

\--

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

yall,,, i can't take this anymore they're such idiots

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

SO A FRIEND FROM ONE OF THEIR NIGHT JOBS WALKS IN.

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

and hoooly shit why are they all so AKHDLADJLA he literally just said no homo sorry

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

aaaa they're all flirting with me on the down-low but if i date literally anyone except the night job friend i hurt everyone

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

the night job friend doesn't cause two best friends to fall apart again so if i was gonna go for one id go for him

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

which i'm not damn i'm not some man stealing stalker or anything

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

DO I EXPOSE THEM- no, that's mean

 

\--

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

I guess I'm really not going for night guy.

 

frank @fuckoffthanks - replying to @obliviousidiots

why not?

 

\--

 

Karen glanced over at the pair of men snuggling on what was usable of the couch. Frank smiled and flipped her the bird when Matt wasn't paying attention.

 

\--

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots - replying to @fuckoffthanks

I mean, if they're okay with that, I won't object.

 

\--

 

Frank's phone buzzed. He snuck a glance and choked.

 

\--

 

[group dm: the alliteration station]

@cantparker: why will the law not let me marry my two wonderful and amazing partners :( i love them both i cant just PICK

@murdock: One second.

@murdock:  [ https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legality_of_polygamy ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legality_of_polygamy)

@murdock: Marry in Africa, I guess?

@cantparker: aaaaaaa

@murdock: Fair enough, have a nice day.

@cantparker: may i ramble about them for a minute

@jessicaNOnes: do not encourage him

@murdock: Sure, kid.

@cantparker: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

@jessicaNOnes: FUCK

@cantparker: NED AND MJ ARE THE BEST PEOPLE EVER

_ @jessicaNOnes has left the chat. _

@cantparker: i love that mj just treats me like a person and isnt all STARK INTERNSHIP about everything

@cantparker: also i love how chill she is about my night job

@murdock: Night job?

@cantparker: yeah i uh. do stuff. at night.

@murdock: ...I'm not going to tell anyone, but you know prostitution is illegal, right?

@cantparker: AKFHAKDJAA IM NOT A PROSTITUTE I PROMISE

@cantparker: anyway

@cantparker: mj is super real about everything but also very nice even if she calls us losers as a pet name but like… idk i dont mind? i know its done out of affection considering all the things she calls flash

@cantparker: she stands up for what she believes in and i admire that so much shes really brave

@cantparker: and N E D

@cantparker: pure bean ned

@cantparker: hes so sweet and amazing and aaaa

@cantparker: b i g s n u g g l y p i l l o w

@cantparker: and we know we like most of the same things so its pretty easy to do things together

@cantparker: if mjs the backbone of this relationship neds probably the heart hes nljust so soft

@murdock: Awww.

_ @murdock has added @jessicaNOnes to the chat. _

@jessicaNOnes: is it over?

@cantparker: yes but i can continue if you want

@jessicaNOnes: i'm good, thanks.

@deadpool: the Flash guy is Already Dead what did he Do to You

@cantparker: no dont kill him hes really just annoying!!

@murdock: What does he do, Peter?

@jessicaNOnes: he's the school bully, but he's too good to actually get caught.

@cantparker: :(

@murdock: He's picked his last fight.

@cantparker: ITS OK HE CANT REALLY HURT ME

@murdock: But I can hurt him.

@cantparker: ,,, no offense but how??

@cantparker: mr murdock?

 

\--

 

flash @flashtoms

WHERE DOES DEADPOOL EVEN GET GUNS I KNOW GUN CONTROL IS LACKING BUT HE'S LITERALLY IN EVERY CATEGORY OF "SHOULD NOT GET A GUN"

 

gun emoji @deadpool - replying to @flashtoms

the black market.

 

gun emoji @deadpool - replying to @flashtoms

or asking very nicely with swords if they would please give me the gun, i promise i will pay just do not run that background check

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how to get a gun: ask very nicely with swords if they take checks


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck scott, the dealer for the people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i know the one here has different locations now bht idfc i had to listen to this ad multiple times daily for ten years now you have to suffer too

peter @cantparker

me: spends one (1) week in the midwest

hell brain: scott, the dealer for the people

 

peter @cantparker

This is Scott, the dealer FOR the people! Everybody rides at Wausau Auto across from Menards, Antigo Auto across from Walmart, or 199Ride.com! That's 199Ride.com! WOO!

 

peter @cantparker

SAVE BIG MONEY, SAVE BIG MONEY, WHEN YOU SHOP MENARDS!

 

peter @cantparker

HOT 96.7 FM DOT COM

 

peter @cantparker

no wonder everyones a hick theres literally no alternative

 

peter @cantparker

YOU PLAY DESPACITO EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR THE MEME HAS BEEN RUINED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wisconsin: closed


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trans rights!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy trans day of visibility today is the only day you can see me
> 
> tws for some transphobia

katie @radicalfemmes

daily reminder that pepper potts is a man

 

\--

 

katie @radicalfemmes

what a wonderful day to remember that pepper potts is a man and miss stark supports misogyny

 

\--

 

katie @radicalfemmes

good morning everyone, jerome "pepper" potts is a man

 

\--

 

[direct message: @ppotts + @Stark]

@ppotts: Tony?

@ppotts: [link to @radicalfemmes' twitter post]

@ppotts: How did she get that name?

@Stark: Ill destroy her

@ppotts: Don't do that. I just want to know where she would've found it.

@Stark: One second

 

\--

 

[group message: @murdock + @Stark +@ppotts]

[group has been named petition to destroy katie]

@Stark: Murdock

@Stark: Murdock

@Stark: Murdock

@Stark: Murdock

@murdock: Stop it. You're breaking my screen reader.

@Stark: Murdock

@murdock: WHAT.

@Stark: [link to @radicalfemmes' tweet]

@murdock: Oh, shit. I'm sorry.

@Stark: Pepper wont let me socially or physically destroy her

@ppotts: You can't just murder someone because they have a different opinion, Tony.

@Stark: This is literally a personal attack

@Stark: Like i get accidental misgendering

@Stark: But katie is actually intending to harass you out of a job just because youre trans

@ppotts: She's also targeted you in some of her tweets.

@Stark: Im a tacked on name to get attention

@Stark: She has daily tweets dedicated to you

@murdock: I have an idea.

@Stark: What is it

 

\--

 

Daredevil @devilofhk

[image of daredevil dramatically posing as if about to punch the camera captioned "Don't be a TERF if you don't wanna get hurt"]

 

[retweeted by @awatch, @fuckoffthanks, @nelson, @cantparker, @whotookspidey, @starks, @jbarnes, @caprogers, @nleeds, +1,249 more]

 

\--

 

katie @radicalfemmes

daily reminder that jerome potts is a man with our tea of the day, daredevil being a misogynist

 

katie @radicalfemmes

and to think at one point i respected him :/

 

Daredevil @devilofhk - replying to @radicalfemmes

Sorry I drink all of my respect women juice, not just 99.7% of it.

 

\--

 

[group dm: petition to destroy katie]

@Stark: [link to @devilofhk's tweet]

@Stark: Did you arrange this

@murdock: B)

@Stark: Thanks

@murdock: It was my pleasure.

@murdock: Did you just send Foggy and I $50,000?

@Stark: No

@ppotts: Yes, he did.

@murdock: We haven't even started suing her.

@murdock: Harassment and libel seem to be a good starting point.

@Stark: When can i ruin her

@murdock: I'll let you know.

 

\--

 

katie @radicalfemmes

lol the SI team is trying to sue me for telling the truth and stopping a rapist

 

katie @radicalfemmes

so hello! jerome potts will always be a man, anthony edina stark is a horrible excuse for a woman, and suing me will not change those facts

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @radicalfemmes

That's certainly an oversimplification, but it's whatever, I guess, right?

 

katie @radicalfemmes - replying to @murdock

jerome is pretending to be a woman for "woke points." nothing can change that he will always be a man.

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @radicalfemmes

Would you have known she was assigned male at birth if she had not mentioned it due to a tweet you yourself made?

 

katie @radicalfemmes - replying to @murdock

no but that doesnt mean he is a woman. plenty of women look like men and plenty of men look like women. penis = man, vagina = woman. easy.

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @radicalfemmes

Does Pepper being transgender at all affect you, the quality of products created at Stark Industries, or anyone's well-being outside of her social circle?

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @radicalfemmes

Also, what proof do you have that she hasn't surgically transitioned?

 

katie @radicalfemmes - replying to @murdock

what does that have to do with anything? hes a man abusing his power, he literally took the company from miss stark

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @radicalfemmes

First, Stark willingly gave her the company. Second, it seems to me that how Miss Potts wishes to present herself and be addressed-

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @radicalfemmes

-has no impact on anyone except herself, Stark, and her friends.

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @radicalfemmes

To put it bluntly, I believe Miss Pott's gender identity is none of your business.

 

\--

 

[group dm: petition to destroy katie]

@murdock: Katie blocked me.

@Stark: ALFHAKFNALSKA WE WIN THIS ROUND

@Stark: Now may i destroy her

@murdock: Not yet.

 

\--

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

mr daredevil says trans rights!

[video of daredevil on a rooftop. from behind the camera, spider-man shouts, "trans rights!" daredevil yells, "trans rights!" and throws a transgender flag across the street at spidey.]

 

[reblogged by @devilofhk and 238 more]

 

\--

 

Daredevil @devilofhk

For the record, I'm not transgender, but I do support the transgender and LGBT+ community.

 

Daredevil @devilofhk

Trans rights.

[image of a handful of new york's vigilantes holding up a sign that says "HAPPY TRANSGENDER DAY OF VISIBILITY"]

 

\--

 

spider-man @whotookspidey

today is the only day you can see me

[image of spider-man t-posing on a roof with a transgender flag flying out behind him]

 

\--

 

Matthew @murdock

What a coincidence.

[link to a news article dated March 31 about tony stark and pepper potts suing katie czechowski for harassment and libel, primarily revolving around katie's repeated transphobia. stark and potts won.]

 

Matthew @murdock

[video of matt murdock exiting the courthouse and shouting "trans rights!" at whatever paparazzi may be close enough to hear.]

 

\--

 

[group dm: petition to destroy katie]

@murdock: Now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> personal opinion time, if like misgendeeing is a genuine accident i get it and like im noy gonna flip out @ people who call me she on accident or without knowing im a he but i definitely think like. actively harrassing people is not good


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I STOPPED RESPONDING TO COMMENTS ON THE LAST CHAPTER AND I FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT THAT BUT I DID READ EVERY SINGLE ONE AND I LOVE YOU ALL
> 
> SOMEOME MENTIONED FOGGY/MATT AND THEN I GOT IN THE MOOD AND THEN I GOT SICK OF MATTS SHIT AND PROJECTED ONTO KAREN
> 
> edit: wh..  
>  what the fuck did this chapter do

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

they know who i am

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidios

correction: the ones who can see know who i am

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

Foggy: You'll see.

Matt: I certainly won't.

 

* * *

 

 

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

matt is so fucjing blind its not even funny

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

I HAVE NEVER ONCE BROKEN ATTORNEY-CLIENT PRIVILEGE AND IVE MADE A THOUSAND TWEETS

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

group of teens, dancing around matt: you are my dad. you're my dad! boogie woogie woogie

matt: karen please they wont stop

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

and that's how i met the princess of fucking wakanda and tony stark's pet teenagers

[image of a blonde woman, assumed to be karen page, posing with four children. @shuriiiii, @cantparker, and @harleykeenz are tagged.]

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @obliviousidiots

MISS KAREN I AM NO ONES PET THANK YOU

 

* * *

 

peter @cantparker

miss karen is my mom now

 

peter @cantparker

she taught me how to use a gun

 

A E S @starks - replying to @cantparker

NO

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

Frank: Accept my fucking love.

Matt: I'm allergic.

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @obliviousidiots

STOP RUINING MY GOOD NAME

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

Foggy: This is my partner, Matt.

Matt: *Law* partner.

Foggy: This is my boyfriend, Matt.

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

Foggy: Do you ever just want to strangle your boyfriend's boyfriend?

Matt, running into the doorframe: He didn't tie me to a roof this time, I promise.

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

matt is a bean

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

LOOK AT THIS

[video of matt and foggy on a couch next to several casserole and dessert dishes. matt sleeps while foggy pets his hair. he glances up and shushes the cameraperson. matt looks more relaxed and natural than he usually does in pictures.]

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

hes so soft… i want to wrap him up and protect him forever

 

* * *

 

Matthew @murdock

I don't have any boyfriends.

 

foggy @nelson - replying to @murdock

you dont huh?

 

frank @fuckoffthanks - replying to @murdock

i'm catching a faint whiff of bullshit.

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @nelson @fuckoffthanks

...I'm missing something, aren't I?

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots - replying to @murdock

That thunk from the main office? That was me banging my head against the desk.

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

YES YOU'RE MISSING SOMETHING!!!

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @obliviousidiots

rip mr murdock 1980-2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: matt works through his feelings and tony stark destroys terfs


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter went nowhere near where i wanted it to
> 
> so uh. what i thought this chapter was gonna be is now like two or three chapters because kats a dumbass
> 
> TW FOR RAPE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, RACIST/HOMOPHOBIC SLURS, A HELL OF A LOT OF SOMEONE BEING AN ASSHOLE TO MOST OF THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY, AND PEDOPHILIA.

Avengers Watch @awatch

Does Katie Czechowski seem familiar to anyone else in a really, REALLY bad way?

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

I swear I know her from somewhere, and frankly, I don't want to know where.

 

* * *

 

katie @radicalfemmes

ugh. that lawsuit was bullshit

 

drew @heysoulsister - replying to @radicalfemmes

[screenshot of a too-long tweet:

"maybe im misinterpreting this but from what ive found of it and seen in the court trial transcripts you literally harassed not only

-trans and nonbinary people

-bi/pan/ace people

-straight women

-black/asian/hispanic women

-men

-anyone who was not a white lesbian, basically

-except for some reason you seem really into yaoi?? wild

in general, but specifically slandered a prominent public figure repeatedly and went out of your way to paint a negative picture of anyone who supported her?? plus they had evidence you literally went out and committed crimes against people openly in aforementioned groups??? ma'am with all due respect you had it coming"]

 

katie @radicalfemmes - replying to @heysoulsister

[includes her own screenshot of a notepad:

"-vagina = woman, penis = man. an intersex person may decide to be one or the other if his or her parts are wrong, but he or she would want to choose the one he or she looks closest to.

-"pansexual" what are you fucking pans? you need to get your head checked out. bi people are often only buying into comphet and will eventually figure it out. everyones asexual until they want sex, thats the classic trick men use to make you think theyre safe and women use to escape asshole men.

-i dont hate straight women. without them, the world would die out. im not stupid. i just dont think they get to call themselves "feminists" if they would willingly side with men over women.

-you say nigger once and everyone hates you, huh. ive also used fag to apply to myself. does that make me homophobic, now? huh?

-men are pigs lmao all they care about is who theyre gonna fuck next and whos making them dinner

-i?? dont care if youre a lesbian or not?? im just sick of all these fakers calling themselves lesbians or women or men when theyre clearly not

-i wrote one damn fanfiction when i was, like, fifteen. it doesnt matter anymore. i dont even remember where i posted it. stop trying to be woke or whatever, i dont fetishize gay men.

-i called out a rapist and rape apologists lol he only got out of it because hes rich and dating miss stark

-i have never attacked anyone who didnt deserve it"]

 

* * *

 

amanda @greendaystan

this katie woman sounds familiar in a bad way and I don't like it

 

amanda @greendaystan

oh,, oh my God

 

amanda @greendaystan

so uh please avoid her at all costs she is literally a rapist and a pedophile

 

A E S @starks - replying to @greendaystan

Would you mind following me? My lawyer and i have a few questions for you

 

* * *

 

[group dm: petition to destroy katie]

_ [@starks has added @Stark and @greendaystan] _

_ [@murdock has added @nelson] _

@murdock: Apologies for the large group. We are gathering evidence against Katie that we can later use to disgrace her moreso than she has herself, and the more people who know, the better.

@Stark: Im gonna be hopping between accounts for a while but

@Stark: If you dont mind me asking, how do you know

@greendaystan: I don't want any trouble with her but

@greendaystan: a few years ago I met her and she and I hit it off. she started dating me and then when I wouldn't give her sex she would make me

@greendaystan: I told her I thought I was ace and she said it was just repressed homophobia and of course I wanted sex

@greendaystan: she never hit me outside of sexual situations, but I think some of the stuff she did to keep me with her was not good

@greendaystan: she made me believe I was dirty and wrong and filthy and if my family knew they would never want me but she would always want me as long as I could be her good little girl and do some of her dirty work

@greendaystan: I'm 15 now and obviously I can see it was wrong now but I didn't before

@greendaystan: I was 10 or 11 when she started and like 13 when we broke up

@greendaystan: I'm willing to forgive and forget if she changed because people do dumb shit. I do dumb shit all the time damn I'm no saint either

@greendaystan: I heard a few weeks ago one of my friends was dating her and from the sounds of it she was doing the same stuff to her as she did to me

@greendaystan: I told her and she tried to drop Katie but Katie threatened her family and she had to continue

@greendaystan: my friend's 14 and yeah people do dumb shit but she doesn't deserve that either

@murdock: Does your friend have a Twitter?

@greendaystan: she doesn't but she said she can make one, one second

@murdock: Don't worry. Miss Potts and I are a bit busy trying to convince Stark to only metaphorically murder her.

@nelson: theyre zip tying and duct taping him to the chair while he tries to summon a suit lol

@murdock: Stark, don't make me knock you out 

@murdock: You know I can do it.

@murdock: What's so funny?

@murdock: FRANKLIN PERCY NELSON IF YOU DON'T TURN OFF MY TEXT TO SPEECH RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL STEAL YOUR NEXT POTENTIAL LOVE INTEREST RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER YOUR NOSE

@murdock: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

@murdock: Oh my God.

_ [@greendaystan has added @dontfuckkatie] _

@murdock: Foggy?

@dontfuckkatie: What's going on?

@greendaystan: don't mind them I think Mr. Nelson is pranking Mr. Murdock and it hasn't ended yet

@murdock: Apologies. My partner is a bit of a joker.

@greendaystan: lol

@dontfuckkatie: if you dont mind me asking who are you all? i mean i know miss potts and mr stark and ama but i dobt recognize. @murdock and @nelson

@murdock: Matthew Murdock, attorney at law.

@nelson: im his partner foggy

@murdock: Law partner.

@nelson: im his boyfriend foggy

@dontfuckkatie: hello im leila

@dontfuckkatie: i can probably tell you better in person but i can give you the bare details now if you want

@murdock: That'd be great.

@dontfuckkatie: i didnt know katie was Bad but she was being nice to me and i know i shouldnt date older women but she said she was 16 and i had no reason to believe she was lying

@dontfuckkatie: so we dated for a while and she was… manipulative but not so much that i thought it was serious? i figured she was just clingy and thats fine ama could feasibly contend in a clinging contest against spider-man yknow so im used to a little bit of like "please dont leave me" type stuff and i figured that was just katies way of saying that

@dontfuckkatie: ama came to me later and said katie had dated and raped them when they were younger and she said she was 18 then, meaning she would be 22 now at youngest, and i trust them a lot more than i trust most people so i tried to dump katie

@dontfuckkatie: at first it was just "im sorry dont leave me ill be honest" and then when i didnt back down she initially threatened to kill herself, then me, then my family

@dontfuckkatie: she has weapons ive been to her house and its a feasible possibility

@dontfuckkatie: one second im gonna have ama take a picture of our last conversation so katie cant see ive screenshotted it

 

* * *

 

[snapchat conversation between leilaaa and katiebird]

_ [wednesday] _

leilaaa: how old are you

katiebird: i'm 16, why?

leilaaa: i talked to one of my friends about you and they said you used to date them

katiebird: which friend?

leilaaa: they said you were 18 when you started dating them

katiebird: theyre lying

katiebird: i told you not to tell anyone about us they wouldnt approve

leilaaa: i told them because they wanted to know why ive been disappearing sometimes

katiebird: hell hate you

leilaaa: theyre not a guy

katiebird: shell hate you for what youre doing with me

katiebird: you know as well as anyone the people in this town hate fags. im the only one who would ever accept you

leilaaa: can you tell me the truth, please? how old are you?

katiebird: leila darling please i would never lie to you

leilaaa: How old are you?

leilaaa: 16? 22? Neither?

katiebird: im 20 im sorry

leilaaa: so you lied not only to me but to my best friend?

katiebird: i thought you would hate me

leilaaa: i just wanted the truth, katie

[video call started]

[video call ended]

katiebird: i love you

leilaaa: i cant date someone i cant trust

katiebird: please

katiebird: leila please

katiebird: come back

_ [thursday] _

katiebird: i love you my flower

_ [friday] _

katiebird: youre my only reason for living without you i will kill myself

leilaaa: i dont want you to kill yourself

leilaaa: but i cant trust you either

katiebird: [opened]

katiebird: i will kill us both

leilaaa: im sorry

katiebird: leila my darling my flower please return

[saturday]

katiebird: [opened]

katiebird: i know where you live

katiebird: i will out you to your parents and slit their throats as you watch them die with the disgust and disappointment on their faces

katiebird: meet me at culvers tonight. if you dont… you know what happens.

 

* * *

 

[petition to destroy katie]

@Stark: If i wasnt zip-tied to this chair id kill her here and now

@ppotts: Agreed, minus the zip-ties.

@greendaystan: I wasn't going to press charges or anything because I just wanted it to be done but she's really outdone herself

@murdock: Are you all in New York?

@dontfuckkatie: yeah buffalo

@greendaystan: NYC

@murdock: Tony and I can escort Leila, and Pepper and Foggy can take Amanda. Let's take this to our office.

@starks: Is it okay if i share your testimonies when i ruin katie

@starks: You dont have to we have plenty of her being shitty without this too

@greendaystan: edit out my name and I'm fine with it

@dontfuckkatie: same

@starks: okay

 

* * *

 

A E S @starks

I have less followers here but pepper and rhodey dont want me to ruin si or avengers rep so please spread

 

A E S @starks

[link to a pdf outlining everything katie/@radicalfemmes has posted on twitter targeting men, trans people, bisexual people, and other groups, including links to the original tweets and archived copies]

 

A E S @starks

[screenshots from "petition to destroy katie" detailing two teens' experiences. matt's outbursts have, unfortunately for the amusement of the general public, been omitted.]

 

A E S @starks

[link to a pdf copy of katie's public record and background check, prepared by FRIDAY]

[link to another background check performed by an online service, verifying the information in the former document]

 

A E S @starks

Dont even talk to her just avoid her

 

* * *

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

oh my god thats katie

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

KATIE FFCUCHDKING CZECHOWSKI

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

GOD NOW. I REMEMBER WHERE I KNOW HER FROM

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

SHE TRIED TO RAPE MY LITTLE SISTER

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

[video of a woman and an older teenager sitting on a couch...]

 

* * *

 

"Hey, y'all, it's fucking Sarah from Avengers Watch, pissed the  _ fuck _ off that this bitch is still walkin' this God-damned Earth and getting away with this shit," the older woman growled at the camera. "And this is my little sister, whose name shall not be disclosed."

"I'm not little," the younger grumbled without heat.

Sarah ruffled her hair. "And we are here to tell you about our first encounter with our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man."

"Katie told me she was 17, but she'd graduated early and started at the local community college that year. I was 15 at the time and I figured it was cool to have a college girlfriend, right?" The sister shrugged. "So we dated a while, and word got around that she wasn't a trustworthy person, so I asked to meet her soon. She got me alone, and before I could confront her, she… She shut me up." She paused to breathe. "If not for Spider-Man… I don't even know if I'd be alive. She was armed, literally- literally undressing me at knifepoint. I don't know what she wanted, other than sex, apparently."

Sarah hugged her sister. "Well, this has been A-Watch. Tune in next time to watch me playing darts with a hoe's face."

The video cuts, and a dart sails across the screen, impaling a paper print-out of Katie Czechowski's face.

 

* * *

 

New York Bulletin @NYBulletin

Katie Czechowski suspected of rape, thirteen currently plan to testify: [link to article]

 

* * *

 

Matthew @murdock

Thirteen.

 

Matthew @murdock

She raped no less than thirteen young girls.

 

Matthew @murdock

Those are only the people who have stepped forward and are willing to testify right now.

 

Matthew @murdock

She comes across an awful lot like a rapist for someone who's accusing a prominent public figure of being a rapist.

 

* * *

 

katie @radicalfemmes

theyre all lying

 

katie @radicalfemmes

me: jacob potts is trying to be a rapist

everyone: no hes perfect and has never done anything wrong YOURE the rapist

 

katie @radicalfemmes

what happened to leila was terrible, but that wasnt me. yes, my name is katie, but thats not even my snapchat screen name.

[screenshot of a snapchat profile of user radikatie with screen name "Katie" followed by several emojis.]

 

frank @fuckoffthanks - replying to @radicalfemmes

can't you rename people on snapchat?

 

frank @fuckoffthanks - replying to @radicalfemmes

and her name was never released to the public. how would you have known who shared that?

 

* * *

 

[group dm: matt is La Idiota Caliente]

[members: @obliviousidiots, @nelson, @fuckoffthanks]

@fuckoffthanks: she blocked me.

@nelson: thanks ;)

@fuckoffthanks: i'll take that lunch now.

 

* * *

 

[petition to destroy katie]

[20 members]

@antiextremist: I've been called for jury duty??

@murdock: Tell them you planned on testifying. You're biased. They'll dismiss you.

@antiextremist: Okay

@antiextremist: I've never done this before so do I just show up and tell them?

@murdock: Basically.

@awatch: Is there anyone outside of this group who's testifying?

@awatch: Minus my sis?

@nelson: like six or seven

@awatch: Holy shit, that's over twenty people.

@awatch: Eric, I've been called as well. I'll buy you lunch when they dismiss us.

@awatch: My sister testifying would disqualify me, right?

@nelson: definitely

@nelson: matts stressed out and cranky he thinks theres something fishy about the jury pool because we just got two more calls of our clients being summoned for jury duty

@nelson: hes understandably paranoid but i think its a coincidence

@awatch: Some coincidence, huh?

@nelson: not as bad as the time someone threatened the jury after a testimony and we had to use the man's dying words to prove the fbi was corrupt

@nelson: on that happy note he just stormed out without his cane im gonna go find him

 

* * *

 

[matt is La Idiota Caliente]

@nelson: FRANK

@fuckoffthanks: i'm busy.

@nelson: HELP ME FIND MATT

@fuckoffthanks: he's right here.

@fuckoffthanks: [image of daredevil throwing up peace hands and looking the wrong way]

@nelson: never mind have fun

@nelson: WAIT WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a lot of random people in this and the next chapter so yeah dw their names arent suuuper important so much as the fact that these people exist and will probably forever be in this one group chat with tony stark and pepper potts and may occasionally ask them very nicely for help or advice
> 
> I SPEAK LIKE SIX WORDS OF SPANISH SO IM CONTRIBUTING LA IDIOTA CALIENTE TO DRUNK NIGHTS AT JOSIE'S if it makes you feel any better the official lawyery groupchat they have between foggy, matt, and karen is called "avocados at law"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mentions/implications of rape, suicide, kidnapping, torture, homophobia... this chapter is hella fucked up.
> 
> also, it gets way too personal. whoops.
> 
> just wanna mention that there are some more outdated terms that could come across as exclusionary; theyre said by someone who i think is understandably a little not quite with the times. he is not any type of exclusionist, he is genuinely trying his best but he is not perfect

New York Bulletin @NYBulletin

Stop Asking Us If Karen Page Is Going To Write About The Trial, Please: [ www.nybulletin.com/no-she-will-not… ](http://www.nybulletin.com/no-she-will-not%E2%80%A6)

 

* * *

 

Daredevil @devilofhk

I may be illiterate, but at least I have a job.

 

> QUOTED TWEET:
> 
> spider-man @whotookspidey
> 
> [Video from what is presumably Peter's spider-suit.
> 
> It zooms into a sign that says "NO LOITERING" before panning to Daredevil's face.
> 
> "Mr. Devil, sir, we have to move." A hand pokes into view and points at the sign.
> 
> Daredevil stares directly into the camera and says, "That sign can't stop me because I'm Jared, 19."]

 

spider-man @whotookspidey - replying to @devilofhk

i may not have a job but at least i can drive

 

* * *

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

Fuck Katie, more in a few.

 

* * *

 

Avengers Watch @awatch

Fuck Katie².

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey - replying to @awatch

FUCK KATIE³

 

* * *

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

story behind my name: i walked in with the mask, the judge took half a glance at me, and i was asked to leave before it actually became a legal issue

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @whotookspidey

We literally discussed this on the stairs of the courthouse.

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots - replying to @whotookspidey

I told you those blind spots for a reason

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @obliviousidiots

Karen, no.

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

KAREN YES

 

* * *

 

Tony @Stark

There are rumors circulating that Peter is secretly my illegitimate son. We already took a DNA test. I am not his father.

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @Stark

@lesbAIn1 roll the tapes

 

FRIDAY @lesbAIn1 - replying to @cantparker

[compilation of every time peter parker and tony stark have referred to each other as father and son. the video is almost 10 minutes long.]

 

Tony @Stark - replying to @lesbAIn1

Betrayed by my own daughter.

 

* * *

 

Daredevil @devilofhk

[Video of Daredevil and Spider-Man on a rooftop. Daredevil is surrounded by empty bottles of beer.

"C'mon, [CENSORED], I need those to get through this." Daredevil makes a half-hearted swipe at the box Spider-Man's holding.

"Mr. Daredevil-"

"For the love of God, just drop the Mr. already."

"Okay, Dad-devil."

"Fuck off."

The video cuts to a significantly less sober Daredevil and slightly rumpled Spider-Man on the same rooftop. DD pulls out a balled-up asexual pride flag and wiggles it. "Is this the right one?"

"Yep!" Spider-Man pulls out a significantly less crumpled bi pride flag. "Happy pride month!"

"GAY RIGHTS!"

"Not yet."

"I do what I fucking want."

He sighs. "In the midst of the…" Spidey trails off and drops his head.

The devil quickly sobers up. "In the midst of the Czechowski trials, we'd like to remind all LGBT youth that everyone, regardless of orientation or identity, deserves respect. Not everyone is going to respect you, hell, not everyone is going to _accept_ you, but being LGBT doesn't affect your worth as a human being."

Spider-Man raises his head and nods. He points to a transgender flag pin on his suit. "We hear you." He chuckles and points at Daredevil. " _Especially_ him. Seriously."

He smiles and shakes his head affectionately.

The spiderling takes a deep breath and continues, "What Katie did is inexcusable, yet she tries to excuse it. She asks why they didn't leave if she was so bad. She asks how she would've even acquired a weapon. She asks how it could possibly be-" He's hyperventilating now, and he holds up a finger. The devil patiently rubs his back.

The video cuts once again to a similar scene, though Spider-Man has stopped hyperventilating. "She asks how it could possibly be rape if they consented, or if she doesnt have a- doesn't have a dick, and can't… do…" He gestures in a vaguely sexual manner. "She's wrong."

After a short pause, "Dad-devil" rests a hand on Spidey's back and says, "That's his last statement on the subject. Please stop asking him."

The video ends as the devil reaches over and fumbles with the camera.]

 

[retweeted by @whotookspidey]

 

Daredevil @devilofhk

I'm serious. Stop asking him. I know who you are, I can find out where you live, and he's tired of being bombarded with your questions.

 

* * *

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

ok im gonna answer a few questions in re: The Video that have been asked a lot and arent just. dick questions

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

just wanna mention before people think im specifically targeting anyone i swear im not, im just picking the most recent ones in my notifs/search usually

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

yes but id rather not talk about that too in depth, tl;dr it makes me a bit uncomfy

 

> QUOTED TWEET:
> 
> nosey @thenoseknows
> 
> @whotookspidey you dont have to answer this youre valid but is there a reason youve tried to stay uninvolved

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

i am vaguely involved as my real person self but im mostly handling paperwork behind the scenes

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

one of these is a question for mr daredevil but one sec i cant attach the image

 

> QUOTED TWEET:
> 
> illegal to be straight @fuckingay
> 
> @whotookspidey WAIT YOU'RE BI?? IS DAREDEVIL REALLY ACE??

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

@fuckingay

[[image of a spider-man with the bi colors edited in ms paint with the caption "bi-derman, bi-derman, does whatever a bi-der can, kiss a man, sure why not, also thinks that girls are hot, look out, here comes the bi-derman]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/511334099907248138/587063140936843275/tumblr_pslsc3QdUR1u2zldq_1280.jpg)

 

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

@fuckingay

also ignore his speech to text being a little shit

 

> QUOTED TWEET:
> 
> Daredevil @devilofhk - replying to @whotookspidey

> I'm ace. Insert smiley face emoji.

 

Daredevil @devilofhk - replying to @whotookspidey

This is why we can't have nice things.

 

* * *

 

peter @cantparker

story behind my @: theres a reason i dont have my drivers license that is not my crippling anxiety regarding driving

 

peter @cantparker

i wrecked a $200k car trying to parallel park

 

peter @cantparker

dw it wasnt the first car ive wrecked just the most expensive

 

Tony @Stark - replying to @cantparker

Look outside

 

may @mbparker - replying to @Stark @cantparker

Tony, no.

 

Tony @Stark - replying to @mbparker @cantparker

Tony yes

 

* * *

 

katie @radicalfemmes

[link to a gofundme page]

 

vivian @reclaimterf - replying to @radicalfemmes

lmao you think you can just get away with shit huh? youre a disgrace to the fucking community

 

* * *

 

[the alliteration station]

@cantparker: i know i said i wouldnt stalk her twitter but

@cantparker: [image of a twitter conversation between @radicalfemmes and @reclaimterf]

@cantparker: literal terfs are ostracizing her im screaming

@Murdock: Peter, please stop.

@jessicaNOnes: i've got him

 

* * *

 

[The Fam]

[members: @cantparker, @devilofhk, @harleykeenz, @IronPatriot, @jessicaNOnes, @mbparker, @murdock, @nleeds, @obliviousidiots, @ppotts, @rhodey, @Stark, @starks, @widowmaker, @whotookspidey]

@cantparker: revoke my first amendment rights twitter daddy

@nleeds: peter why, and i mean this in the most disturbed way possible, the fuck

@murdock: He's been refreshing her page.

@nleeds: honey im on my way

 

* * *

 

New York Bulletin @NYBulletin

[link to an article that includes transcripts of the Czechowski trials. In summary:

-Leila showed up, but disappeared shortly before the trial and was unable to testify.

-Amanda testified. Their mother interrupted the trial with her shouting, asking how they could "allow a woman to touch [them]" and expressing general disgust in the form of bigotry and victim blaming.

-Sarah's sister, who would have testified privately, died of suicide by hanging before she could.

-Many of the other people planning to testify went missing or were harrassed before their trial.

-Matthew Murdock and Franklin Nelson, rather than seeing the discarded testimonies as a loss, took them as a win. They pointed out the fact that multiple of their clients were threatened as suspicious. This was allowed to be used, though the testimonies were still considered invalid.

-After almost a month of trials, Katie Czechowski was convicted and imprisoned for 7 years. Her crimes were only seen as rape in the second degree.]

 

* * *

 

foggy @nelson

if you want to know how we're taking it

[video of matt ranting about the testimonies that got thrown out. at the end, he chucks his cane at the wall and crawls out the window.]

 

foggy @nelson

oh dont worry we are so fucking thankful this went through at all considering how it went but that doesnt change that she only got out because 12/15 testimonies were either no-shows or stricken from the record

 

* * *

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

and this is where the good guys would normally kick names, take ass, and save the day

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

and they do. katies locked up for a few years. but that will never undo the damage shes done

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

that doesnt undo both the direct damage from her actions or the ripple effects

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

that doesnt change that many of these young people had to come out on a televised court case

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

that doesnt change that ama's family truly didnt accept them as they were. they were homeless as of june 17th, 2019, less than 24 hours after they testified.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

that doesnt change that leila's family cried when she went missing directly from the courthouse mere minutes before the trials started. she was found before she was physically injured; she hasn't spoken a word since.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

that doesn't undo sarah's little sister's suicide. well, supposed suicide. there was nothing she could've stepped off within a reasonable range.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

amanda received an acceptance letter to their school of choice that their parents threw away.

leila was an aspiring author before her words were taken from her.

sarah's sister had just received her associate's degree in mechanical engineering.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

jail time doesn't take away the trauma these people and their families have gone through.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

jail time won't heal them. jail time won't bring them back. but all hope is not lost.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

leila has therapy three times a week with therapists who regularly work with the avengers. peter parker suggested and arranged the therapy, and tony stark happily funds it.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

ama, in their temporary homelessness, dumpster-dove in the right trashcan. they were a bit past the deadline for a response, but the admissions office was extremely understanding.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

sarah walker held a funeral for marian walker, attended by every avenger who could make it. steve rogers, who was on a mission for shield during the trials and subsequent funeral, visited marian's grave with her favorite flowers: forget-me-nots.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

and me? the "god" of this alternate universe? its creator?

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

i mourn them all, and i mourn what could have been.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

yet mourning does nothing, in the end, but leave us feeling unsatisfied. angry, perhaps.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

and that's how this arc is supposed to end. unfinished. unsatisfying. it was of my design the moment i started this chapter, if not this plotline.

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

Justice was brought. She got what she "deserved."

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

I wish I could say the same for my own demons.

 

deadpan @deadpool

Wow this just got Really Meta and Also Way Too Personal

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god

Get out of my monologue.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: i use the q word in a context where its clearly being used jokingly by a group towars that same group in a reclaiming way, not a rude way, but if that makes you uncomfy just dont read group dm names
> 
> also tw for mentions of rape of a child

peter @cantparker

i cant breathe

 

* * *

 

Daredevil landed near a panicking, supposedly spider-themed hero and listened.

The kid wasn't breathing, and Matt couldn't hear the hum of the suit's electronics. Either Peter had scaled a building in the suit and taken off his mask or he'd climbed up twelve stories as his civilian self. Nothing about this felt right.

"Peter?"

He exhaled slowly. "Mr. Devil?"

Now wasn't the time to call him out on his formalities. "Yeah. It's me."

Peter patted the rooftop next to him, and when Matt sat down, he was attacked by a super-strength hug. Okay, whatever comforts the kid.

A weird whirring noise touched the edge of Matt's hearing range.

After a few minutes, Peter whispered, "I saw him."

Matt didn't push.

"And I know it was just someone who looks like him, or- or a trick of the light, but I can't… I can't _unsee_ him."

He knew Peter had been through a lot. Okay, maybe he didn't know _everything_ , but it wasn't hard to read how antsy he got in certain buildings or situations. He would barely even look at an airplane sometimes, and he flinched every time he heard a gunshot. Peter probably had some serious issues and needed a therapist as much as (if not more than) Matt did.

So this could be related to anything from superhero PTSD to guilt over killing a fly, and there was no point in pushing the kid further.

"I'm scared," Peter whispered, having crawled onto Matt's lap by now.

Metal creaked, and something (someone) landed on the roof behind them. Oil and a light coating of hasn't-showered-in-two-days approached and crouched next to them. Stark, then. "Underoos?"

Peter shifted in Matt's lap. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"Sorry."

Stark gently shushed Peter. "It's fine."

Awkward silence ensued, and Matt realized Stark was probably trying to send him a look. Well, if the Avengers had been kind enough not to investigate his horribly-kept (especially as of recently) secret identity, he wouldn't add more clues to the corkboard. "He's not hurt."

"I noticed."

More awkward silence ensued.

"Mr. Stark?" Peter finally asked.

"Yeah?"

"Can you have Friday see if- Can you have her check on Ski- Steven- Steven Westcott?"

This time, the look was pretty clearly, _Is he going to be okay with you here?_

Matt nodded.

"Okay." Stark stepped back and grabbed his helmet.

Peter switched from aggressively sticking to Matt's lap to aggressively koalaing his entire torso, which at least freed up his legs.

"He's in jail," Matt reassured after Stark took off his helmet.

Peter nodded, but didn't let go.

 

* * *

 

peter @cantparker

uodate: i can sort of breathe again

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @cantparker

Binder. Off.

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @murdock

aw ok

 

* * *

 

[group dm: the alliteration station]

cantparker: has anyone told yall

murdock: Vaguely.

jessicaNOnes: ^

deadpool: depends on if jeremy was right

cantparker: whos jeremy

deadpool: if i told you youd think im insane

murdock: I already think you're insane. Spill.

deadpool: one of the voices in my head

cantparker: thats valid

murdock: Insert eyebrow raise emoji.

cantparker: your text to speech still doesnt like emojis

murdock: Oh, come on.

jessicaNOnes: honestly who invited deadpool anyway

cantparker: hes really a nice guy ok!! so hes a little on the murdery side but i cant blame him and he DOES have something resembling morals most of the time!!

murdock: You aren't wrong, from what I've seen.

cantparker: SEE IM NOT JUST A HORRIBLE JUDGE OF CHARACTER MISS JONES

jessicaNOnes: ok so what was the entire point of this conversation

cantparker: uh mr stark said i need to talk to someone abt it and i trust yall so if you guys arent busy and are okay with kinda. hanging out with me do yall wanna hang out and. have a talk. for a bit

cantparker: sorry

deadpool: one second just gotta wrap this up

murdock: It's fine. I'm not busy now.

jessicaNOnes: where do you wanna meet

cantparker: if you guys are. okay coming to queens maybe we could meet up at delmars and get some lumch?

cantparker: or not thats ojay tio sorru

murdock: I've heard they're the best sandwiches in New York. I'll see you in a few minutes.

jessicaNOnes: only if murdocks buying

deadpool: fuck yeah, sandwiches!

cantparker: tthanks

 

* * *

 

[group dm: the protect peter parker squad]

[37 members]

devilofhk: Jess, you're going to talk to Peter.

jessicaNOnes: i don't take orders from you

devilofhk: You didn't hear him start breathing again.

jessicaNOnes: dd i was kidding

devilofhk: You didn't have him clinging to you because he was so fucking terrified of someone he could barely say the name.

jessicaNOnes: sort of

jessicaNOnes: i planned on going anyway

devilofhk: He didn't ask you to stay with him until his aunt got home because he couldn't get his own mind to accept that the person he's afraid of can't get to him anymore.

jessicaNOnes: you aren't listening are you

devilofhk: Not to mention that said person apparently poses no threat to Mrs. Parker, meaning this is a Peter problem, not a Spider-Man problem.

jessicaNOnes: i'm going murdock call him off

devilofhk: You better be going.

 

* * *

 

Peter's usually-overbearing metabolism, funded by whatever pay he got as a "Stark intern," failed him as he picked at his sandwich the same way he tried to pick at his words.

Mr. Murdock blindly glared at Miss Jones when she opened her mouth. She took a bite of sandwich instead of saying… whatever she was going to say.

Deadpool, who Peter figured was somehow immortal and quite possibly suicidal, had no such inhibitions. "What's wrong?"

Just the smell of the sandwich, usually enough to summon his monstrous appetite, made him feel sick. He wiped off his hands, offered one to Mr. Murdock, remembered he was blind, and awkwardly started taking it back before the lawyer reached out. Peter gratefully took the offered hand.

"I need to talk to someone about it." He inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled again. "I can't stop thinking about it. I can't, and I thought it was okay, it was over, but-" He cut himself off and settled for, "I'm scared."

The adults in the room exchanged a look/attempt-to-communicate-nonverbally-without-sight-and-actually-looking-the-wrong-way. "Of who?" Deadpool whispered, pulling a pistol out of thin air.

Peter snorted mirthlessly. "That's an open question. Lots of people. The Vulture. Thanos. HYDRA."

"Who are you afraid of right now, Peter?" Mr. Murdock whispered in an almost painfully gentle way.

After a few more minutes of picking at his sandwich, he whispered, "Skip."

Miss Jones snapped, "This isn't a question you get to skip-"

"Skip Westcott. Steven."

In half a second, the cranky P. I. had her phone out and the professional version of Google pulled up. "He was arrested about ten years ago for-" She glanced up, and her face twisted. "I'll be back."

As she stepped outside, Deadpool grabbed her abandoned, unlocked phone. "He's in for raping a kid. Asshole. Hey, there's a picture of a cute little-" He scrolled down more and dropped the phone back on the table like it was a hot coal.

Mr. Murdock seemed to put the pieces together pretty well and squeezed Peter's hand more.

A muffled scream echoed from the back alley. Deadpool didn't react, but Mr. Murdock flinched.

Jessica walked back in with her balled-up jacket under her arm, snatched her phone, and shut off the screen.

"Peter?"

"I'm sorry."

Surprisingly, Deadpool took point on comforting Peter and simply pulled him into a hug. "It's not your fault."

"I'm scared."

"I know."

"I don't want pity."

Miss Jones nodded. "Do you want your sandwich?"

He chuckled and nodded, wrapping it up for later. His appetite still hadn't returned, but it probably would soon.

 

* * *

 

~~sword emoji @deadpool~~

~~[link to the article jessica found in delmar's.]~~

 

[This tweet is currently unavailable.]

 

* * *

 

[dm: @awatch + @cantparker]

awatch: [screenshot of deadpool's tweet and the copied link]

awatch: Is this you?

cantparker: im not going to say but i dont want that article circulating more heavily than it already is if at all possible

awatch: Understandable, have a nice day.

awatch: [several pictures of puppies]

cantparker: !!!

 

* * *

 

peter @cantparker 🔒

im not publicly answering questions right now

 

peter @cantparker 🔒

if i softblock you its nothing personal i just dont want to interact with some people or answer highly personal questions rn

 

* * *

 

flash @flashtoms

im honestly surprised he hasn't blocked me yet

 

peter @cantparker 🔒 - replying to @flashtoms

i mean… i dont have a reason to??

 

flash @flashtoms - replying to @cantparker

i was a grade-a asshole to you. ive hurt you a lot and in more ways than i thought.

 

flash @flashtoms - replying to @cantparker

now is probably a bad time to suddenly change my ways, but i really am sorry

 

peter @cantparker 🔒 - replying to @flashtoms

its fine im not upset at you but can we take this to dms for a second

 

* * *

 

[dm: @cantparker + @flashtoms]

cantparker: why

flashtoms: to which part?

cantparker: why now

cantparker: you saw it didnt you

flashtoms: i genuinely dont know what you mean by "it" but i saw you'd privated your twitter and havent been to school in a few days

cantparker: i dislocated my ankle weird and tore something i shouldnt they fixed it but its taking me a bit to figure out walking

flashtoms: i dont deserve this, but… you know you can talk about it if you want, right?

cantparker: maybe

cantparker: one sec

 

* * *

 

[group dm: the three muskequeers]

cantparker: flash hasnt seen the article

cantparker: hes almost genuine

cantparker: im gonna tell him

nleeds: are you sure thats a good Idea??

doyouhaveabrain: It'll be fine.

nleeds: what

cantparker: QUEEN MJ HAS DECREED IT SO

doyouhaveabrain: Just do it already, loser.

 

* * *

 

[dm: @cantparker + @flashtoms]

cantparker: [link to The Article(TM)]

cantparker: thats a summary of what this bullshit is about and also why not me is trending

flashtoms: oh god you too??

cantparker: TOO???

cantparker: please dont tel lme he did it to you too

flashtoms: parker who have you told??

cantparker: i told may, ben, and a few people i know through mr stark and spider-man

cantparker: mr stark figured it out when i p publicly lost my shit and i think daredevil might know because he beat mr stark there and knows some of the people i told

cantparker: you?

flashtoms: youve never told your therapist?

cantparker: i cant afford one

flashtoms: wait really??

cantparker: we dont have insurance

cantparker: the only reason im able to receive any medical care at all is the internship and thats mostly for work-related injuries since. uh. labs are dangerous folks

flashtoms: if you had the internship wouldn't tony stark, of all people, be able to pay you more? or give you insurance?

cantparker: he already pays for our medical care, food, if we're short on rent he pays that so we can focus on other bills…

cantparker: im not on a payroll. hr doesnt know i exist. and im not going to beg him to do more for me.

cantparker: also what happened to the internship being fake

flashtoms: i didnt see the article but i saw iron man and daredevil with you on a roof, meaning youre either extremely lucky or really do know them all

flashtoms: which was not the reason for… this, by the way.

cantparker: katanas more convincing than fame?

flashtoms: I TAKE IT ALL BACK PARKER

cantparker: lmao too late

cantparker: i know schools out and all but if you wanna hang out in a way that hopefully doesnt involve my face and a locker let me know

flashtoms: okay nerd

 

* * *

 

Matt's phone rang ridiculously loud at whatever hellish hour of the morning this was (10. It was 10 AM.), and he slapped it to shut it off.

Coffee stopped working three days ago. The exhaustion finally caught up with him yesterday and sent his senses haywire. Thank God no one was around to see.

Whatever ridiculously low amount of sleep he got (about 12 hours, once he finally passed out) was at least enough for him to be able to get his bearings.

The phone rang again.

"Hello?" he croaked.

"Is this Matthew Murdock?"

Matt pulled the phone away from his face to clear his throat. "Who's this?"

"I'm Eugene Thompson-"

Oh, this fucker.

"-and I heard you work with Tony Stark."

"Where'd you get this number?"

"Karen Page gave it to me." Eugene paused. "Do you know Peter Parker, by any chance?"

"I've met him."

"He needs help." He hesitated again. "Like, a therapist. Big time. But he doesn't have insurance, and he feels bad about asking Mr. Stark for medical coverage outside of work injuries."

"Did he tell you what those injuries are?"

"He just said labs are dangerous." The phone shuffled a bit. "But he… He needs help. He's been through something that no kid… Fuck, no _person_ should ever go through, and he's been handling it alone for years. Could you see about making sure he can get a therapist?"

This was certainly a twist. This asshole? Looking out for Peter? "I'll do what I can."

Eugene sighed. "Thanks. I hope you have a nice day."

"Thanks. You too," Matt half-grumbled. It'd be a lot better if he wasn't woken up in the middle of the night. After he hung up, he said, "Okay, Google."

Google dinged.

"Set an alarm for 8 A.M."

"Alarm set for 8 A.M. tomorrow."

"No! Today!" He slapped his clock.

"10:26 A.M," the clock responded.

Oh, come _on._

 

* * *

 

[dm: @Stark and @cantparker]

Stark: You dont have insurance?

cantparker: no

cantparker: im sorry

Stark: Its fine

Stark: Im putting you and may on company insurance

cantparker: its fine mr stark i dont even need doctors anymore and mays a nurse her friends can help her

Stark: Its not fine if i had known before i wouldve put you on right away

cantparker: really its fine

Stark: Also youre going to see a therapist

Stark: Ill send you profiles for a few who have a good history with us and if you like them ill get murdock to write an nda and all will be well

cantparker: im fine!

Stark: considering someone just called murdock and had him approach me about your lack of employment benefits, specifically medical coverage for therapy, id say youre not

cantparker: you cant make me

Stark: Ill tell may

cantparker: ok fine


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter you dumbass

spider-BANNED FROM COURT @whotookspidey

mr stark: underage drinking is bad

also mr stark: if you REALLY wanted to see if your metabolism is like cap's, and you were supervised, yknow, i wouldnt be TOO upset-

 

* * *

 

shaver-man @whotookspidey

just shaved off like half my hair

 

JUST A FAN PAGE @spidey - replying to @whotookspidey

valid but why

 

shaver-man @whotookspidey - replying to @spidey

like three people thought i was a girl and its too hot to wear my non-suit binder so i have to hide behind my insecurities

 

shaver-man @whotookspidey - replying to @spidey

also i gave mr barton's and mr lang's kids gum and it all ended up in my hair, and an electric razor is cheaper than getting an actual undercut

 

* * *

 

[group dm: matt is La Idiota Caliente]

nelson: peter is gonna hook us up with the king of fucking wakanda to get a wedding?? if he accepts??

obliviousidiots: u know he'll probably just run if we all propose at once right

nelson: why do you think we're taking forever to do it? of course he's going to run

fuckoffthanks: he said yes.

nelson: wait what

fuckoffthanks: i asked him if he'd marry me, and after a few days of avoiding me, a few of being his emotional dumpster, and a few more of him avoiding me, he said yeah.

obliviousidiots: YOU OWE ME $20 FOGGY

nelson: what? no way

fuckoffthanks: ask him about the ring.

nelson: WHAT

nelson: CASTLE GOD DAMMIT STOP BEING A CRYPTIC MOTHERFUCKER FOR TWO DAMN SECONDS AND GET BACK HERE

obliviousidiots: well, now that we know he's open to it, that makes it a lot easier

nelson: HOW LONG WERE THEY EVEN DATING FOR

obliviousidiots: like two years

nelson: W H A T

 

* * *

 

[DELETED THREAD]

shaver-man @whotookspidey

yall wanted to see my haircut so here it is!! mr stark fixed it up for me so it's not as horrible as it was

[Image of Peter with a messy undercut]

 

Tony @Stark - replying to @whotookspidey

SPIDEY NO

 

shaver-man @whotookspidey - replying to @Stark

what

 

shaver-man @whotookspidey

OH SHIT

 

* * *

 

peter @cantparker

so i guess my secrets out, if you recognize me i would appreciate if you didn't spread my name around

 

[retweeted by @whotookspidey]

 

peter @cantparker

or go ahead i guess since nobody gives a shit about the privacy of a literal minor

>  
> 
> QUOTED TWEET
> 
> The Daily Bugle @DailyBugle
> 
> LOCAL TEEN AND STARK INTERN IS ACTUALLY SPIDER-MAN?? dailybugle.com/2019-07-30/peter-parker-queens-local….

 

peter @cantparker

@DailyBugle sorry that was really passive-aggressive, i know you didnt do it to intentionally sic anyone on me/my family/friends but ive been hoping that this would not happen

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @DailyBugle

actually, i just checked the timestamps and content of the article more than glancing at the preview, and you know what? fuck you.

 

peter @cantparker

you matched the selfie i took with my school photo, plus you gave out the exact block i live on, thanks for telling people where to find me

 

peter @cantparker

thats not even the worst of it.

 

peter @cantparker

you told them where MY AUNT works.

 

peter @cantparker

how DARE you.

 

peter @cantparker

how DARE you endanger her like that. do you know how many people are already looking for ways to hurt me?

 

Daredevil @devilofhk - replying to @cantparker

Calm down, Spidey.

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @devilofhk

THEY WILL KILL HER.

 

A E S @starks - replying to @cantparker

Kid i promise i wont let anything happen to her

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @starks

YOU CANT PROMISE THAT THEYLL COME AFTER HER AND KILL HER

 

may @mbparker - replying to @cantparker

Peter, please check your DMs.

 

* * *

 

[The Fam]

mbparker: Peter, I will be fine.

cantparker: whatif yhey come after oyu

mbparker: Then Tony and Matt have my back.

mbparker: And if they don't or can't? I believe you can protect me from anything I'd need protecting from.

cantparker: what ifwe misss omething

mbparker: I'm not completely helpless.

cantparker: you odntahve superhpowers waht if you geth urr

mbparker: What if I get hurt?

mbparker: What if YOU get hurt, Peter?

cantparker: im sorty

mbparker: Don't be

mbparker: Everything will be okay.

mbparker: Love you, kiddo.

cantparker: loveioyu too

 

* * *

 

[DM: @devilofhk + @whotookspidey]

devilofhk: Would it make you feel better if I revealed myself, too?

whotookspidey: nono you canyt

devilofhk: Want to know something funny?

devilofhk: They can dissect everything I've done, but they will never have enough evidence against my cases to be able to discredit any of them.

devilofhk: Sure, there's bias, but I have been on both sides for the people I've stopped.

whotookspidey: still its o kdont do it

devilofhk: Are you sure? Enough people already know that I'm surprised it hasn't been spread all over yet.

whotookspidey: im sure please progtect what you ahve

 

* * *

 

[DM: @cantparker + @murdock]

cantparker: on that note im being arrested

murdock: Call me when you get to the precinct. I'll be on my way.

 

* * *

 

New York Bulletin @NYBulletin

Spider-Man Arrested for Vigilantism:  [ www.nybulletin.com/spider-man-arrested… ](http://www.nybulletin.com/spider-man-arrested%E2%80%A6)

 

New York Bulletin @NYBulletin

Update - Spider-Man Released, No Charges Are Being Pressed:  [ www.nybulletin.com/spider-man-arrested… ](http://www.nybulletin.com/spider-man-arrested%E2%80%A6)

 

* * *

 

foggy @nelson

Ohhhh my gosh

[Video of Daredevil and Spider-Man bouncing happily on someone's roof and talking about Spidey's release from custody. While no formal rulings have been made to legalize vigilantism, protests have made it clear that New York's vigilantes are supported more than they think. Daredevil lands too hard on his left leg and grimaces. The cameraperson exclaims, "This is why you're on bedrest!" Neither vigilante pays attention.]

 

* * *

 

A E S @starks

What separates the avengers from local vigilantes other than whos paying/not paying them and where they interfere

 

A E S @starks

Not to Go Off but @ the entire 5 people who are vocally fighting for my kid to get arrested *i* started as a vigilante

 

A E S @starks

Granted a vigilante more hell-bent on dealing with terrorist groups but im pretty sure my actions were vigilante-like nonetheless

 

A E S @starks

Caps first act as cap was literally to go rescue a kid

 

A E S @starks

Barton went and did the whole vigilante thing after That™

 

A E S @starks

God damn hypocrites

 

* * *

 

hawkeye @arrowace

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT THE AVENGERS SUPPORT VIGILANTE ACTIVITY AND THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS TO DO IN YOUR FREE TIME

 

hawkeye @arrowace

SUCH AS MURDERING HALF OF ALL LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE AND BEING THE ONLY VAGUELY PRODUCTIVE THING TO COME OF GERMANY AND RUSSIA'S ALLIANCE IN WWII AND USING THAT FOR WORLD DOMINATION

 

world domination @hydraofficial - replying to @hawkeye

I came here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

 

* * *

 

shaver-man @whotookspidey

@spidey CAN WE TRADE @s PLEASE I WANT SPIDEY

 

JUST A FAN PAGE @spidey - replying to @whotookspidey

UHH YEAH ONE SECOND

 

got my account locked @spidey2001 - replying to @whotookspidey

NEVER MIND I GUESS??

[screenshot of a locked twitter account]

 

shaver-man @whotookspidey - replying to @spidey2001

FUCK

 

* * *

 

peter @cantparker

i cant tell you where i am right now and as much as i know that, like, if you were really determined you could find me, i AM trying to keep my current location somewhat on the down-low

 

peter @cantparker

if you see me on the streets and we didnt know each other before please limit interactions to those of nice/not so nice strangers, i dont want to get bombarded with attention

 

* * *

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots

I've found a real life kismesis

[two images. the first is of frank and foggy glaring at each other. the last is of frank kissing foggy's hand while he looks Shooketh™.]

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @obliviousidiots

Please, for the love of God, stop.

 

my coworkers are @obliviousidiots - replying to @murdock

>:)

[an image cut into quarters with karen, matt, foggy, and frank organized into the four homestuck quadrants.]

 

Matthew @murdock - replying to @obliviousidiots

I can feel its cursedness and I can't even see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (source: https://starks.waterfall.social/post/178158)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout of Scott, the dealer for the people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whY does everyon eget stuck on scott i cant believe that 1. this is not just a me thing and 2. yALL BE GETTING MY OBSCURE WISCONSIN JOKES PLS
> 
> I NABBED YALLS COMMENTS BECAUDSE I AM STILL NOT OVER LIKE HALF OF THEM YALL AINT WRONG

BritBroadcast @britbroadcast

wisconsin more like a cryptid than a state

 

* * *

 

SomewhereUnder @TheRainbow

It's the nickel pickle sale!!

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @TheRainbow

4-20 ALL BONGS ON SALE AT THE GLASS SHOP

 

* * *

 

Aiko @AikoD

peter is out here revealing himself left or right. "night job" my ass. "midwest" "can't get vaccines" what next, he'll start saying he hates it when the flies are overcooked at dinner?

 

peter @cantparker - replying to @AikoD

i may have had a secret identity but i never said i was good at keeping it

 

* * *

 

thexploress @thexploress

I'm from Minnesota but this is such a fucking mood. Every time we cross the border if we're on a call we warn "just hit Wisconsin, if we cut out thats why" and everyone just understands. Wisconsin is literally the reason I started keeping cds in my car

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god - replying to @thexploress

welcome to wisconsin we have no cell phone signal and 2 radio stations at any given time

* * *

 

 

Babd @BabdTheCrow

I live here and You're Right. Wisconsin is Cancelled

 

Tony @Stark - replying to @BabdTheCrow

On it.

 

* * *

 

birdseyeview @birdseyeview

scott the dealer for the people haunts my nightmares

 

whatsanaccounttoa @god - replying to @birdseyeview

same

 

shaver-man @whotookspidey - replying to @god

that seems to be the consensus

 

* * *

 

katana-man @deadpool

why are we all still stuck on Scott, the dealer FOR the people?

 

Tony @Stark - replying to @deadpool

Fuck, and I mean this with the most utter sincerity, you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sdjhfdskjf im literally crying rn thanks
> 
> if you wish to have your part removed, please let me know, dont worry about it i get it!! also, im sorry if i didnt include yours and you wish youd been included! i just skimmed through and picked some i thought i could try to make funny

**Author's Note:**

> for updates, feel free to follow me on waterfall: [starks.waterfall.social](starks.waterfall.social)


End file.
